am i the only one [deep thoughts edition].

am i the only one who...feels nostalgic in the fall...the crisp air and the smell of burning wood remind me of high school.  the homecoming bonfire, actually.  the fun of all the festivities and your only worry was what you would wear to homecoming.  fall also brings me back to the beginning of jake and me.  we were official in october.  we got engaged in october.  we got married in october.  love it.  love everything about it.

am i the only one who...wonders how you ended up here.  where you are.  do you ever replay life's chain of events, thinking that if one fork would have gone the other way, things might be different?  not good different.  or bad different.  just different.  like if your parents' decisions or your own decisions would have wiggled slightly in another direction, where would you be in the exact moment that you're in?  ...in your house, with your husband, and your dog...in suburban missouri.

am i the only one who...can make music become a soundtrack to my life.  i make ipod playlists based on my mood.  which can tend to last a week or so.  i love lyrics.  lyrics make a song.  and i can twist a story that is probably about a breakup or something and make it about my life.  just me?  i'm currently obsessing over we owned the night by lady antebellum.

am i the only one who...is perfectly content [probably most content] staying in and being a recluse on a saturday night.  crafting the latest pinterest pin.  with the notebook and then he's just not that into you and then bridesmaids playing in the background.  [if you're wondering if jake was here for this estrogen fest, the answer is no.  he's in the country getting it ready for hunting season].

am i the only one who...can eventually find beauty in a breakdown.  i never really knew how to explain this until i saw this post on the wiegands, originally by leslie from top of the page.  and it sort of fit exactly how i feel at times.  it was kind of crazy.  i was like, "did i write that?" [note: this is not me taking credit]

"If you haven't already gathered, or happen to be reading this blog for the first time in your life, I am a melancholy girl through and through. I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That's why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we're at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I've met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn't completely lovely about that?"

ps.  i found this gem at the new tj maxx.  i had to have it.  today, i lit it up.  it just sits on a counter.  that's not a wall.  neat, right?