whining about weaning

i've said it before and i will say it again...

when i began my breastfeeding journey, never did i ever believe that i would make it to almost 7 1/2 months.  we had our fair share of bumps in the road at the beginning, but then practice made perfect and somewhere between 10 - 12 weeks...i couldn't have imagined it any other way.  i even made it work when i went back to work!

welp.  somewhere around 4 months, aunt flow came back to visit me monthly and the supply dropped a bit, especially when she was in town.  not only that, but little bits would get impatient waiting for it to let down.  i changed my diet a bit, hydrated and took supplements...which helped and we figured out how to get through the "dry spells"... if you will.  starting solids at 5 months helped out too.  i wasn't ready to be done and i don't think drew was either.

cut to about 6 months.  i still nursed as long as i was with her, but in the evenings the well was dry and she had a hard time going to sleep because she was still hungry.  so - i made the choice to nurse for a bit and then top her off with a bottle (1/2 formula, 1/2 breastmilk).  the result?  a little sleep machine.  she goes down no problem and she sleeps 12 hours.  this is big because this itty bitty girl has never been a champ in the sleep department.

so here's where i am today.  i nurse every morning and she seems to have plenty.  i feel "full" and she heads off to the sitter satisfied.  i pump twice a day at work (which...omg...is getting to be quite the chore) and it almost isn't even worth it.  depending on the day, i might....might get 6-8 oz. total.  but, guys...i'm still not ready to be done.

i love having that time in the morning.
i love how she loves to just chill or doze off on the boppy when she's done and full.
i love how she brushes my face.
i love how it was the best and easiest diet ever...
i love how it's free.
i love knowing she's getting the best of the best.
and i am n.o.t. looking forward to letting things "dry up"...ouch!

so here's my question.  nursing pretty much once a day (during the week) is better than nothing right?  and should i just not pump at work?  would that up the supply in the evening?  or is it better to pump frequently to keep it up?  i'm at a bit of a crossroads....hmmmm.  so that's why i'm whining.  weaning?  i don't wanna!!!!!  help wanted.

just love her.

Zzzzzz.

let's chat.

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on work and breastfeeding.

work | i wanted to get some real time under my belt before blogging about my feelings of being a working mom.  in a nutshell, it isn't as bad as i thought it would be.  day 1 definitely had me more anxious than anything.  i have been prioritizing and balancing things pretty well and it's definitely doable.  now...those weeks when jake is out of town [for work] and i'm working and taking care of a wee one are kind of tricky but we make do because we have to.  i have some great family who constantly offer help and a dad who will cook me a steak dinner on a tuesday just because jake's gone!  my sitter friend takes care of drew like she does her own and i have winter/spring and summers breaks to look forward to.  do i miss her?  terribly.  but a schedule that changes on the half hour, makes for a busy and quick day.

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breastfeeding | the first week she was born, i actually said to myself, "if i make it a month i will be proud".  now...i have to say i'm loving it.  is pumping at work twice a day a little taxing?  yes.  but here are some benefits i've found [aside from the normal/obvious ones].

-- while it is time consuming, i get to "check out" for 15 min. two times a day and check facebook.pinterest.instagram have a little time to myself [thankfully, right now, my schedule allows this]
-- i get to hang with my tiny lady while jake does other things like dishes and laundry, you know...because "i'm tied up at the moment"
-- i get to be the last to kiss her goodnight
-- if when she gets up anywhere from 3-5 am, there are no bottles to be made as i sleep walk to her room
-- easy on the wallet
-- easy on the waistline [i may nurse forever for this reason alone, as i still eat like i'm pregnant]
-- i have an excuse to eat an extra 500 calories a day

my happy little pickle butt.

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sleep. it's a beautiful thing.

[knock on wood]
we may have figured this sleep thing out.

after about a week of experimenting, i think we've learned that little miss' sleepy time sweet spot is 9:30.  after fighting and fighting, she would always tucker out around 9:30, then sleep until anywhere from 7-7:30 (swaddled, one arm out).

i was super duper nervous because we were in the middle of working out a routine and we were about to have our first overnight weekend, because jake was in a wedding.  his parents had her friday night for the rehearsal dinner (we went back to their place after the dinner) and then pretty much all day saturday and the whole night.  overnight.  i wasn't sure how she was going to do for them.  and although my mother.in.law assured me that she could handle anything (and i know she can), you just always hope that your little one is on her best behavior isn't too much of a hand full.  i mean, we're going to need sitters again!  turns out, she did great!  they gave her a bath each night...put on lotion...then pjs...then bottle....and a little cuddling...then out at 9:30!

so last night, we stuck with the same routine.  and she was out!  didn't budge until 7:00 this morning.  and boy did we need that sleep after staying out until 2:30 saturday night :)  p.s. i just can't do that anymore.  never.  again.

i'm thinking that once i go back to work (in just three short weeks...tear), bedtime might move up a little sooner as she will have to get up a little earlier, but we shall see!  for now, i will take it.

now...i just need my "girls" to adjust to these longer stretches of sleep because they end up waking me up before she does.  it literally feels like there is concrete being poured into my milk ducts and then, slowly, it hardens  until all of the sudden i am pam anderson circa 1997.  i try not to get up to pump, but it becomes so painful.  will they adjust?  please, oh please.  on the upside to this, i am clearly not having any issues in the production department and we just had to plug in the deep freeze for extra storage!

here's another question for anyone who might have an answer:  i went to pump right before the wedding reception because i knew it would be a late night and i wasn't going to have access to the pump.  at the time, i didn't actually need to pump but i was afraid i would shortly.  it seemed like after i pumped, i felt a let down relatively soon after.  if i hadn't pumped...would i be able to go longer because they weren't signaled to produce more?  does that even make sense?  in other words, did the fact that i pumped cause me to have to pump again much sooner?

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more breastfeeding.

i never had such a strong opinion on breastfeeding support until i went through it.  i couldn't have done it without a) an awesome lactation consultant, b) a supportive husband, c) more than six weeks off work [i mean, that is just not enough time.  period.] and d) a supportive pediatrician.

here is a great article in response to mayor bloomberg's latch on nyc initiative.

interesting read.  she's right.  at least for me, the hump i needed to get over certainly wasn't in the hospital.  it was the days/weeks following.

on the personal front:  we are nursing 100% without a shield!  this, i never thought possible.  little miss is working hard and gaining weight!  stats on friday.

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timeline of a breastfed baby

thank goodness for pinterest.

i came across this and was thankful i did.

lots of good information.

thought i'd share.

p.s. "nappies" are diapers.  i didn't know what they were referring to...

timeline of a breastfed baby.

 

the 4 stages of breastfeeding

i know i have been m.i.a., but i have been trying to figure out some sort of balance with a newborn.  it's quite a task.  that, and i've been writing posts in my head.  so here's this one.

my 4 "stages" or "mind.sets" of breastfeeding

stage one | whatev.

while i was pregnant, everyone asked if i would breastfeed.  my answer always..."i'm going to try".  without divulging too much information, let me just say that i don't exactly have the most optimal anatomy for breastfeeding.  the girls are a little "shy"...so i've always been concerned that it just wouldn't work.  with that said, i did all the reading...talked to friends and family...got the top of the line pump...and told myself that it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't work out.  and while, no, it wouldn't be the end of the world...i think i would have been a little lot let down if it didn't actually work out.  regardless, i walked around with a "whatever" mentality.  and then she came...fast forward to june 3rd...

stage two | yikes!

at some point during drew's first days with us, my nurse came in to try her first feeding.  i should rewind and say that i'm about as modest as they come.  so, not only was i uptight about breastfeeding in and of itself...i was also anxious for any nurse or lactation consultant to give me a "hand" [based on some horror stories i've heard].  so - the nurse tried to get us going [she was a little odd to begin with] and, bless her heart, she tried and tried.  and i tried.  and drew tried.  and it wasn't happening.  the nurse didn't have many suggestions, except...a nipple shield.

in case you didn't know.

so, she would latch on to that.  but would pass out almost instantly.  even naked.  even while i tickled her feet.  even while we tried everything...probably because she was so little and it was just a lot of work to get much out [considering my milk hadn't 'come in' yet].  so we tried the shield through the night and it was going so-so and by morning, the pediatrician came in a little concerned about the amount of wet and poopy diapers.  she was only 5 lbs. 2 oz. to begin with and dropping.  so, she said we'd either have to supplement with formula bottles or try a supplemental nursing system [sns].

that tiny tube goes through the shield and the bottle is filled with formula.  p.s. that's not me.

if you think it looks complicated, it is.  and ours didn't have that handy neck strap.  jake had no choice but to hold it for the 45 minutes it took for her to down not even an ounce, until he figured out a way to rig it to the pillow.  but, the purpose of it was to get her interested in latching on and actually staying awake long enough to get a decent amount without straining herself...while still getting some colostrum or breast milk.  this seemed to be our best bet, but yikes...was it a production.  every.time.we.fed.

stage three | meltdowns

there were a handful.  will i blame it entirely on breast feeding?  no.  i think it was a bit of the baby blues.  but between the nursing every two hours and pumping about 5 times a day in the first few weeks [to really drive home that milk supply], i was a little warn out and seriously ready to give up at times. there were a few times when jake walked in to me pumping...in tears.  the one saving grace about the using the nipple shield, is that i could use a bottle much sooner, and pacifiers for that matter too.  this meant that jake could help, at times.  and since my pediatrician wanted us to supplement every 4 oz. with 3/4 tsp. formula in a day, i was "forced" to give myself a break and bottle feed her 2-3 feedings in 24 hours.  we had no issues with nipple confusion.  the downside to the shield, there's prep work involved every time you feed.  and juuuust when you get situated...she knocks it off. 

stage four | i am woman!

somewhere around 3 1/2 to 4 weeks, i finally felt like i was getting the hang of it.  jake was back to work and we were getting somewhat of a rhythm.  i was even able to phase out the use of the shield, on one side...at times.  we still go back and forth.  it depends on how much she's willing to work for it.  cut to six weeks [today!] and i'm pretty darn proud of myself for making it this far.  and while, yes, it can feel like a chore to pump three times a day and it's exhausting, at times, that she is completely and totally dependent on me...that's also the best part.  they need their mommies.  and i'm totally ok with that.

my words of advice - if you can just get passed that 2 to 2 1/2 week hump...it's a pretty awesome thing.  and the best part....it's free!

before i go | a list of breastfeeding must-haves...

1.  nursing tanks (mine are from motherhood and i love them)
2.  nursing bras...for the day and for bed (i recommend gap)
3.  lanolin and lots of it
4.  a really good, hospital-grade pump (my mother.in.law bought me the medela pump in style from cotton babies, where the price is the lowest we've found)
5.  a pump bra (thank you, marge)...hands free!
6.  nursing pads
7.  a dvr to record all your shows so you can watch them at 3 am

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