oh and one more thing...

i experienced both of these scenarios recently, so just a word of advice...if someone has gone through some sort of personal issue and you're not quite sure what it could be [or maybe you do know], don't say the following:

"how are you feeling?  is everything okay?  i hope i didn't bring up a bad subject, like if you were pregnant and lost the baby" ...how awkward.

.or.

"you didn't want a deformed baby anyway"

any child is a gift, and i would have rolled with whatever came my way.  i understand that people don't know what to say, and that sometimes, things just come out....and they don't understand how hurtful their words can be, but if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.  :)