oh and one more thing...

so after that post, i googled, "is google a verb".  apparently it has joined the ranks of words like xerox and it has its place in webster's dictionary.  other brands that have become verbs: facebook [as in, facebook me], skype [as in, skype me] and bing [as in, i binged it].

the verb, from webster.

gooooooooooogle.

if you're anything like me, you google everything.  [is google an actual verb yet?  i should look that up]. 

so, i had my 3rd...or was it the 4th round of labs done on wednesday and i thought i might get the results thursday, but i think that was wishful thinking.  then, i thought well probably friday.  nothing.  [how long does it take to actually get labs back?  is it the lab that seems to take forever or is it my doctor that takes forever to call me?]  i know two days really isn't forever, but when there's a weekend shoved in the middle, it means an inevitable two more days!  [sigh].  i'm just very anxious to know where we're going from here, if there is an issue and what it is!

so, google...i've been doing a lot as i wait for these results.  i was just looking at my google searches from the past few days and then i went a little further back and realized i might be a little nutty.  [audrey, this reminded me of our conversation about police coming and searching our computers -a la casey anthony- and being very suspicious based on our google searches].  Here are mine:

• ovulating after miscarriage, did i cause a miscarriage, causes of miscarriage, lab result turnaround, how many days to get lab results, phlebotomist, hcg, low progesterone, causes of low progesterone, genetics and hormone deficiencies, progesterone and day 21, normal progesterone, miscarriage, progesterone and miscarriage, d&c, low progesterone and clomid, and my personal favorite, should i switch doctors [does anyone else ever ask google a question like you're bffs?]
• unrelated to the topic, i also found: oozing spots on dogs [remy was sick.  ew.], superhero with white body suit [no idea why that was there], plural versus possessive with name ending in z [if you have info on this, please tell] and how much is too much peanut butter [i don't know if i was searching this for me or for remy].

screen shot of the odd 'superhero' search

just take a second to look back at some of your google searches.  they might make you laugh.  ........or make you feel like a total wack-job.

rabbit hole.

oh my tears | if you need a good cry, watch rabbit hole.  probably a good one to watch alone [glad my friend recommended that].  here is the trailer.

in the movie, they bring up the notion of these rabbit holes.  an alternate place where another you lives in a world where everything has gone exactly the way you had hoped and planned [sounds a little scy-fy, but it isn't].  and oh by the way, what if you could find that other version of you and just live.  but, here you are... with the life you've been given and in the screaming silence of loss and the open-endedness of grief there is still a place to dwell in hope.  please note: that's just my loose interpretation.  :)  also, open-endedness is a word i just made up.

anyway, i thought i'd share.  this is my friday night.  and i like it.  and i recommend this movie....and a box of tissues.

by the way...it's at red box.

cd21

i hate needles | like i said...it feels like i live my life by cycle days.  it makes time go by so s.l.o.w.l.y.  but, here we are again at cd21 and i have my 3rd round of bloodwork today to check progesterone levels and ov.  i'm really hoping this provides us with some answers and we get a treatment plan going from here...if the levels call for one.  i can't imagine my progesterone levels will go from 6.6 one month to somewhere in the normal range the next, but who knows.  i've started on b6, which might help regulate hormones.  we'll see. 

i guess i took it for granted that i always had clockwork-like cycles.  28 days, on the dot...set your watch to me.  i figured it would be easy to get pregnant [granted 6 months isn't too long...that's average] and i didn't think a m/c would happen to me.  i would never have thought i'd have hormone levels in the single digits and i'd be checking off the days on my calendar and celebrating the next cd.  [side note:  my sister has crazy hormones as well...is this genetic?].  on a positive note, i know i can get pregnant...which brings me great comfort!  the phlebotomist asked me if we need the results "stat" and then corrected herself by saying, "oh, no this isn't hcg...just progesterone" and i wanted to say, "ya but could you just put that in as stat...that would be great!" ...but i didn't.  so now, we wait....

on another note | i bought out best teacher supply today.  i'm such a geek because all of this stuff makes me so excited [kind of].  i'm planning to do one bulletin board that says, "our speech and language is poppin'" and i'm going to write the different speech sounds and different parts of language on the popcorn kernels and then on another bulletin board i'm doing an owl theme with something like, "whoooo are mrs. menz' friends?" ...and each kiddo will write a bit about themselves on the owls that will be perched in the tree.  this makes for a good first few days/rapport building activity.  the colored paper is for a huge project i'm taking on to make some hanging decorative balls.  these, but on a much larger and more colorful scale.  the little red bird guys are concept cards.  if you know anything about a language impaired kiddo, you know they struggle big time with temporal, spatial and sequential concepts...so i found these.  the little bird guy is in different positions in, on, around, above, below, etc. the clouds.  too handy!  and since i spent a ton certain amount...i got a free desk calendar, which i need!  bonus!

happy cd21 to you...or whatever cd it may be :)  lol...

oh and one more thing...

a recipe some friends asked about | i'm no betty crocker but i'm learning.  i like easy recipes...with very few steps and ingredients.  here is just one of them, for now...

basic chicken salad | i got this recipe from a custodian at my school, but i've varied it a bit.  items i've added are marked with an asterisk.  somehow hers always tastes better than mine.  but mine is improving.  and i don't really measure, so there are no measurements :)

what you need:
...chicken breasts
...1 golden delicious apple
...almond slivers*
...celery*
...kraft olive oil and cracked pepper* mayo [her recipe does not specifically call for this, but i have found that it is perfect!]
...salt and pepper to taste
...i think it would be great with red onion or grapes, but i haven't done that yet

what you do:
i always slow cook the chicken in a crock pot* for about 5-6 hours in a mixture of chicken stock and beer [busch to be exact].  this makes for super tender chicken!  basically, cook it until it falls apart easily.  while chicken is cooling, dice your apple and chop your celery [make it as chunky as you'd like].  add mayo and apples/celery to chicken.  add almond slivers.  add salt and pepper to taste!  and that's it. 

do it yourself

much to jake's dismay, i didn't work this summer.  so i've been the one with the "honey-do" lists.  i've been ironing jake's work clothes, keeping the house clean, watering the lawn during these scorching missouri months and, lately, taking poor remy lou to the vet.  somewhere in there i've found a little pool time  :)  just a little.

but i've also found some time of a few diy projects and here are some of them:

i originally heard this quote as part of a song that you may have seen on youtube.  the father/daughter duo is insanely precious [watch her say, "one day i'm gonna whistle?"].  it's actually a song by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros.  anyway, i loved the quote then saw it in a painting on pinterest...so i copied!  that's just a canvas, some stencil letters and paint.

got the idea to make my own burlap table runner from a blogger [i can't remember who; i'd love to give credit].  i bought the burlap at hobby lobby for $5.99 and ended up having so much leftover that i was able to make lots of things for the cute as a button shower i threw.  i had no idea how many colors burlap comes in.  i opted for natural burlap color, but maybe down the road...

this was a rainy day thing.  i had the houndstooth card-stock.  i found the letters at hobby lobby on clearance for $1.  i like the idea of decor with scrabble letters, but i didn't want to use my game pieces or purchase another game to use them.  but now that i think about it, i bet someone sells just the letters.  oh well.  this was my rainy day variation.

i didn't do this over the summer.  this was an earlier diy.  but i thought i'd share.  it's card stock and black twine.  frames from ikea.  it took me some time to get over the fact that it says "hers" first and then "his" [not sure why], but i also couldn't put "his" on my side and "hers" on his side, nor could we switch spots in bed, so...this is what i ended up with :)  my sister.in.law did something very cool over her bed with the same frames, involving her weddings vows and pictures.  love the frames.

i also made a few "special date framed calendars" for myself and a friend in order to pay homage to some important dates.  you can see mine here if you scroll all the way down.

and finally, check out what my friend at blue heeler designs made me.  we also saw this on pinterest and i loved it.  she replicated it for me!  [someday i hope to be able to link the words blue heeler designs to this blog...come on, aud!].  i can't wait to print it, frame it and find the perfect place for it!

i hope to get one last diy complete before school starts.  and that is a homemade headboard for my guest bedroom.  i've been scoping out fabric and other ideas on pinterest, but i don't know exactly what i want to do yet.  i also have grand ideas to make some neat things for my cloffice before school starts.  we shall see!

oh and one more thing...

so thoughtful | a friend left me a little surprise after the baby shower.  she very sneakily put it on my dresser with a little card that said, "dwell in hope...i thought of you when i saw this".  so sweet.  made me cry [good tears].  thanks, kate.

i've gotten lots of great feedback about the blog and lots of people have reached out and offered their prayers and thoughtful words.  i've been able to keep in touch with family [far and wide] so much easier.  i love it.

oh and just one other thing... the summer days are flying by, but also crawling at the same time.  it seems that i'm living my life in 28 day cycles [or 34...or 30, depending on the month], which makes time crawwwwwl.  but yet my summer vacation is ticking away so quickly...how does that happen?  school is back in session august 15th and i'm going back on the 3rd to get my cloffice ready.  i do miss the kiddos though....[sigh] bitter sweet.

cute as a...you know what.

shower day!  i had so much fun throwing a shower with brooke and shannon [two DZ sorority sisters] for marge [aka katie],  all the planning and crafting totally paid off and it was a perfect, [cute as a button] day.  us same gals threw marge a wedding shower and i can't believe where we are now.  time seriously flies...slow down!

marge's wedding day

from left: me, brooke, marge, marge's sister, shannon 

the menu | chicken salad sandwiches, veggie tray, pita chips and hummus, parfait bar [with yogurt, blackberries, blueberries and strawberries], mini quiches, button cookies and cake truffles [a variation of cake balls].  yummers!

i had a ton of extra burlap left from a table runner i made, so i used it up on the shower.  i also used mason jars with buttons for one table's centerpiece.  shannon printed childhood pictures of marge, framed them in frames with buttons on them and we used those as centerpieces on the other two tables.  brooke found these on pinterest [wishes for baby crosby].  each guest filled them out and we put them in the mailbox for marge to keep.  our only game was to guess the amount of buttons in one of the mason jars.  someone was just 1 button off!  good guess!

oh and one more thing...

i experienced both of these scenarios recently, so just a word of advice...if someone has gone through some sort of personal issue and you're not quite sure what it could be [or maybe you do know], don't say the following:

"how are you feeling?  is everything okay?  i hope i didn't bring up a bad subject, like if you were pregnant and lost the baby" ...how awkward.

.or.

"you didn't want a deformed baby anyway"

any child is a gift, and i would have rolled with whatever came my way.  i understand that people don't know what to say, and that sometimes, things just come out....and they don't understand how hurtful their words can be, but if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.  :)

dinner alone at a banquet table.

picture this | quiet house- just a little nancy grace on in the background.  no hubby or dog.  no couches.  just two round banquet tables where my furniture usually sits.  a mess on the counter and...me, sitting alone eating qdoba at the banquet table.  all that was missing, was candles [right, marge?].   this is my friday night.

why?  so myself and two other friends are throwing a baby shower for a gal pal [marge] on sunday to celebrate her little bean, crosby.  i pretty much kicked jake out of the house all weekend so i could make a mess.  he always gets very anxious when i'm baking or cooking or making a mess.  ps- he's one of those people who uses, like, one pan to cook and the whole mess from cooking is cleaned up before you even sit down to eat [we compliment one another perfectly].  i digress. so this shower...i've pretty much been preparing for a month now.  the theme is "cute as a button"...

[invitations by blue healer designs, by audrey...pic doesn't do justice to these 

adorable creations] 

...and i'm just having too much fun with all the decorations.  i've been crafting most of them so that's been keeping me busy on these summer days off.  [stay tuned for pics of shower].  so that's why i sat alone at a banquet table for dinner.  since the hubs was leaving town, we had to get the "shower scene" ready thursday night [jake loved me for having to move the couches, which involved taking off the legs and also scratching the door frame].  can't wait for all the gal pals to be here sunday...minus a few prairie dogs :(

calling all card keepers.

if you're anything like me, you might save a card...or 72.  birthday cards, thank you cards, sympathy cards, etc.  my pal [the one who suggested i journal] received a christmas card.card ball ornament as a gift and learned how to do it herself from this website.  she didn't use christmas cards, and she has them sitting in a vase on display.  i loved the idea of doing something with all my cards that i could look at every day.

{the website wasn't completely useful in explaining exactly how to do this...there is geomentry involved.  so here are my directions}.  thanks for the idea, audrey!

card ball making: for idiots | had i known i would be blogging, i would have taken step by step pictures.

1.  pick your cards
2.  find something circular, trace it on the parts of the cards that you would like to have on your ball.
3.  you need 20 circles of the same size [audrey suggested a circle cutter, but i'm too cheap to buy one so i cut them out by hand...it took more time but worked just fine].  side note: if you're into compasses, that could be handy too.
4.  geometry: you need to trace an equilateral triangle on the non pretty side of each circle.  i googled about it...tweeted about it and then came across this.
5.  so trace the circle on card stock, cut it out and then trace it on the back of each circle.
6.  fold on each line of the triangle so that the pretty sides are folded towards each other.
7.  next, use clear-drying craft glue to join one flap each from two circles [triangles should point in the same direction].
8.  using the same technique, attach the flaps of three more circles to these two, forming what will be the top. make the bottom in the same way.

 top/bottom section

9.  glue remaining 10 circles together, this time with triangle points alternating up and down, forming a straight line. glue the two end flaps to form a ring; this will be the middle section.
10.  finally, glue the top and bottom to the center ring and voila!.

to vary ball size...vary circle size

*picture these balls on a larger scale, made with colored card stock!!!  i'm going to make some to hang in my cloffice [classroom/office].  stay tuned...i'm gonna need a compass this time!

cold feet.

i have cold feet most nights.  like freezing cold feet [it is a brisk 65 degrees in our room at night...fans swirling].  i start the night off wearing socks and then, by morning, they are lumped at the foot of the bed...or they're in remy's mouth because they made their way to the floor.  this annoys jake to no end because when he makes the bed [daily] he has to fish them out.  oops.

story of my life | indecisive.  socks on or off.  feet hot or cold.  lately, i've had cold feet about the blog.  like, lost sleep over it cold feet.  public or private?  who to share things with?  then, i talked to my sister [she was a little drunky because today is her TWENTY.NINTH bday] and she told me she loved the blog and she enjoyed reading every bit of it.  if you know me, you probably know i'm not a huge talker.  i don't pick of the phone and call you to gossip or update you on life's latest happenings...i may text, but i'm just not a talker.  writing i can do.  i can much more clearly compose my thoughts on paper on my mac book than i can out loud.  so my sister convinced me to share my blog [not sure about publicly yet] as a little self help/therapy tool for myself and to update family on life [and i have family on every corner of this continent]. 

so far, i think it's working...i already feel better.

making.a.menz in the making

actually anxious as i type.  but that's me, anxious.

i've been interested in blogging for a while, but never really found the time or the purpose.  with this summer off, i've had a lot of time to dwell on think about my latest life happenings.  a dear friend suggested that i journal.  i 1) couldn't bring myself to spend $14.50 on a journal [which had to be cute, obviously] and 2) barely have the drive to sit down and read so i concluded that writing in a journal wouldn't be feasible.  idle hands, for me, are not the devil's playground [the term "devil's playground" is relative].  idle hands, for me, leave me alone with my thoughts.  and my thoughts can get the best of me.  so, there i was, thinking in the shower...and it hit me!  i was just ready to do it.  inspired by stranger's blog, a friend's blessings the strength of an acquaintance and a little young.house.love [and that's just to name a few]...i just decided to do it.  so here goes nothing.  

please take some time to read how i came up with the blog's name and a little bit about me [and jake].