pregnancy brain.

i've neglected the blog lately in an effort to spend some time focusing on all things baby.  yet...i can't say that we've finalized any decisions.

this post might reflect my current thought process [pregnancy brain].  i'm going to attempt to sort out some things and answer a few questions that have been asked.

a.  the nursery...what have you done? - nothing.  we checked out furniture this weekend and fell in love with something that is probably too pricey.  we need to research more online [my plan today on my day off].  i've got a pretty good idea of what i want, but i go back and forth between 1) dark wood, 2) white/off white wood or 3) a mix of the two.  i need to spend some time on project nursery today for more inspiration.

THE perfect paint color.  i emailed the mommy to find out the name!

pretty sure this is the glider we're going for.  going to be a gift from my mom!

 2.  have you registered - yes.  we braved babies r us on saturday.  we got excellent advice from my good pal to head up there early and we were glad we did.  that place becomes a m a d h o u s e around 11.  how exhausting, yet fun.  if you don't have back pain...you will after that.  even jake was complaining [really?...yes].  thankfully, i read baby bargains and had a pretty good idea of what i wanted as far as brands [especially the big stuff] and i also registered for many of the same things that my s.i.l. just registered for.  i came home and looked at the registry online...began reading reviews of some of the products...second guessed myself...changed some things...got overwhelmed.  and stopped.  my mission today is to just pick a travel system [i know i want graco].

c.  you're really not finding out what you're having? - no.  really.  only the sonographer knows.  it's surprising how many opinions you get about this.  for the most part, i hear good things from mommies who didn't find out; but some people down right can't believe that we'd wait when it's just that easy to find out.  we have another ultrasound next week and we still will not be finding out.  and we won't at my 37 weeks ultrasound either.  this baby will be a surprise.  i get so excited thinking about jake shouting, "it's a ____!"  i can't wait for that moment.

which leads me to...

d.   what do you hope you're having? - this one is a tough subject for me.  i probably can't explain exactly what goes on in my head enough to make sense of it, but i get super emotional when someone asks what we "want".  i definitely didn't feel this way prior to my miscarriage and i'm sure i've probably asked people that question myself but after experiencing a miscarriage, it's completely different.  all i want is a healthy, 40ish week pregnancy and a perfect baby at the end of it.  boy...girl...i couldn't care less.  i want healthy.  and that seems like such a smug thing to say because people literally dig for this information, but i can't drive that point home enough.  we want healthy.

4.  have you decided on names? - sure haven't.  we decided to take some time off from wracking our brains and just see if any more come to us or if one continues to stand out in our minds.  for the most part, our list is the same as it was here.  but, boy...[talking about opinions again]...you sure open the floodgates with this one.  you're better off either 1) not sharing and leaving it that way until baby is here or 2) not sharing any names on your list until you have the final decision and people can't share their opinions.  ultimately, it's your choice right?  it's what you love and what you feel fits your family and little one.

i think i'm realizing how sensitive i am to the opinions of others...

5.  how are you feeling? - really.  i can't complain.  when i first found out we were expecting, i think i actually said that to myself....i can never allow myself to complain.  partly because i hated hearing complaints of pregnant women while i was going through my grief and partly because i was so thankful that i never ever wanted to tarnish that with complaints.  stepping away from that mind set, sure, there are times when i just have to get things off my chest.  dealing with a changing body and the aches and pains that go along with it can be taxing.  throw some raging hormones in there and you have kind of a mess.  but, really...i feel great.  no, getting dressed isn't easy these days and i could certainly go without 72 trips to the bathroom on a daily basis, but so far, we're all healthy.  and that's all i can ask for.

6.  not sure if anyone caught bethenny frankel on the today show this morning, but she explained today that she had a miscarriage recently...after having one healthy baby girl.  not sure if this is the first time she's made it public, but i'm glad she did.  i'm so thankful for those who decide to share [yet, i respect those who do not].  every story i hear helps me a little bit more.  and it's interesting because i know the media has been bombarding bethenny with questions about a 2nd baby.  now, they can be more sensitive to the fact that it isn't so easy for some.  i'm excited for her show to start back up tonight on bravo!

okay, i think that's all for now.  21 weeks yesterday!!  yay!!

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