changing lanes.

i wasn't very good at changing lanes when i learned to drive.

mostly, i think i was just scared.

looking in my side-view mirrors, i could see just about everything.

but there's always that blind spot.

and my dad would get on me because when i'd turn my head to check it, 

my steering wheel often went with it.

but then i'd bite the bullet and just do it.

safe, in the next lane.

and i'd think...that wasn't so bad...i could do it again...

and suddenly, it became second nature.

tomorrow, i'm changing lanes.
but this is the type of lane change when you find yourself in the far left lane
of a four lane interstate...and you need to exit right in 1/2 a mile.
going from being a full-time mom to a full-time therapist and full-time mom.
i never thought october would get here.
and, tonight, i'm convinced there isn't anything that sucks more
although i know it's so not true.
so i'm going to focus on the good.
i'm thankful for a healthy baby girl, a job i love and the amazing sitter i can call my friend.

i think i've packed everything she needs.
i think we're ready for the change.
17 weeks together is an amazing maternity leave.
but i'm a little nervous about that blind spot.
what if something happens?  what if she just won't nap?
what if i miss her rolling over?
just going to have to bite the bullet
and get this first day under my belt.
until we're safe, in the next lane.
when i'm sure i will say, "that wasn't so bad".
...and i can do it again.

...

reasons why i wasn't sure i could handle a daughter.

enjoy.  a mother's prayer for her child.  by tina fey.

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.”

-Tina Fey
 ...

"that's a redheaded baby"

 a question we are asked at least once a day..."is her hair red?"

my "red" hair is clearly from a bottle.  hers is really glowing in this light.

 
"who has red hair in your family?"
"did you have red hair?"
"where does she get all that hair from?"
"is she the milk man's baby?"

there's no denying it...she's a redhead.  and she has a lot of it.  we thought she might follow suit like most babies and lose it, only for it to return a different color.  but instead of losing it, she's getting more.

during nap time today, i decided to do a bit of research.  without boring you with too much science, i will provide you with the facts:

-red hair comes from a pigment called pheomelanin
-genes determine the amount of this pigmentation
-the MC1R gene allows for this "red" pigmentation to be changed to eumelanin (at darkening pigment)
-if the MC1R gene is mutated, this change can't happen
-jake and i both, then, have one "working" and one "mutant" MC1R gene
-drew happened to get two of those recessive genes, making her...a redhead.
-the odds...25%
-to add to that, apparently redheads have more hairs per square inch than any other hair color

so to answer why there aren't any redheads in our families.  obviously, someone's been passing that "mutant" gene down.  but unless they conceived with someone else who was a carrier, they would have no chance of having a redhead (hence no redheaded family members).  and even if both parents were carriers, there is still only a 1 in 4 chance.

so, we had a 1 in 4 chance of having a redhead and we couldn't be happier to have beaten the odds :)

she's pretty stinkin cute, so i'd take her with any hair color.

she'd even make a cute blonde. (drew and her cousin out apple picking)

head control. check.

please, please ignore that cheesy voice.

just mute your computer. 

why do we insist on talking to babies this way?  and i try not to, but i just can't.

...and someone has a new found love for sophie.

she better, sophie was one pricey chew toy.

she holds her and chews on her ears now!

...

sleep. it's a beautiful thing.

[knock on wood]
we may have figured this sleep thing out.

after about a week of experimenting, i think we've learned that little miss' sleepy time sweet spot is 9:30.  after fighting and fighting, she would always tucker out around 9:30, then sleep until anywhere from 7-7:30 (swaddled, one arm out).

i was super duper nervous because we were in the middle of working out a routine and we were about to have our first overnight weekend, because jake was in a wedding.  his parents had her friday night for the rehearsal dinner (we went back to their place after the dinner) and then pretty much all day saturday and the whole night.  overnight.  i wasn't sure how she was going to do for them.  and although my mother.in.law assured me that she could handle anything (and i know she can), you just always hope that your little one is on her best behavior isn't too much of a hand full.  i mean, we're going to need sitters again!  turns out, she did great!  they gave her a bath each night...put on lotion...then pjs...then bottle....and a little cuddling...then out at 9:30!

so last night, we stuck with the same routine.  and she was out!  didn't budge until 7:00 this morning.  and boy did we need that sleep after staying out until 2:30 saturday night :)  p.s. i just can't do that anymore.  never.  again.

i'm thinking that once i go back to work (in just three short weeks...tear), bedtime might move up a little sooner as she will have to get up a little earlier, but we shall see!  for now, i will take it.

now...i just need my "girls" to adjust to these longer stretches of sleep because they end up waking me up before she does.  it literally feels like there is concrete being poured into my milk ducts and then, slowly, it hardens  until all of the sudden i am pam anderson circa 1997.  i try not to get up to pump, but it becomes so painful.  will they adjust?  please, oh please.  on the upside to this, i am clearly not having any issues in the production department and we just had to plug in the deep freeze for extra storage!

here's another question for anyone who might have an answer:  i went to pump right before the wedding reception because i knew it would be a late night and i wasn't going to have access to the pump.  at the time, i didn't actually need to pump but i was afraid i would shortly.  it seemed like after i pumped, i felt a let down relatively soon after.  if i hadn't pumped...would i be able to go longer because they weren't signaled to produce more?  does that even make sense?  in other words, did the fact that i pumped cause me to have to pump again much sooner?

...

lights out little bits.

you live and learn as parents, right?
and then you read.
because you have to know what it is that you're doing wrong...

turns out babies don't work like other grown humans.
you would think, the more sleep during the day = less at night.
on the contrary...the better sleep/wake balance during the day = a better night's sleep.

some nights were good.  we would do bedtime around 10...maybe 10:30 and she'd get to sleep by 11ish.  and stay asleep.  then, other nights...she'd be crabby from about 8:30 on...and fight and fight sleep until she tuckered out.

after researching, i'm thinking that her internal clock is probably ready for bed somewhere more around that 8-8:30 time.  when she gets fussy.

friends told me about this "early" bedtime and i thought it was more about convenience.  now, i get it... [cue lightbulb].

so, i'm going to give this a better try.  ....and then i'm probably going to have to rework things just as soon as i go back to work...but that's ok.

she's worth it.

and, here's a video of drew fighting nap time yesterday.

...

three.months.young.

the world, according to drew:

i weigh approximately 10 lbs. (home scale)

i finally wear size 1 diapers

i still wear newborn clothes, but wear some 0-3

i haven't lost any hair...i keep getting more!

i think it's safe to say, i'm a red head 

my eyes are still gray.blue

i play with my hair while i eat

i sleep 10:30-6, eat...then sleep again for about 3 hours

i eat about 4 oz. every 3-4 hours and i'm nursing really well!

i love to move; i love the swing and vibrating seat

i'm swaddled with one arm out

i hold my head up excellently

i'm showing interest in rolling over

i coo all the time and smile like crazy in the morning

i scream when i get out of the bath because i love them so much ;)

unless i'm really sleepy, i only want to be held facing outward

i love the baby bjorn with daddy

i love sitting in daddy's "snake pit", watching sports.center

i'm starting to reach for things and when i get them, i can't let go

i have two little rolls on my legs...finally.

that is the exact same onesie since month one.  :)  but, we are growing!

i caught her mid sneeze

a little boppy tummy.time

 we spent some time with drew's cousin, hudson [almost 10 months], this holiday weekend.  there's quite a difference in size, but these two will be in the same grade!  ...and hopefully, good friends.

"that hair looks fun".

10 mo., about 22 lbs | 3 mo, about 10 lbs